Feminist weddings are here to stay. Marriage has come a long way recently and wedding still rigidly traditional, especially when it comes to stereotypical gender roles. So how we can deal with some of these old stuff?. The good thing is at the end a wedding is a question of happiness so none of this outdated stuff is necessary for a happy union. Let´s have a look.
It’s common in classic heterosexual relationships for women do all the labour associated with wedding planning while the man do not big thing. Obviously, this isn’t fair, and generally only leads to frustration so it’s important to fight for an equal role in wedding planning. Planning your wedding should be an amazing experience, so enjoy it along with your partner.
In the old times, wearing white dresses was a symbol of purity. Even when nobody cares anymore if you go virginal to your wedding, white still meaning sweetness. Did you know wearing white wedding dresses was thanks to Queen Victoria.
Alternative? Wear a dress that represents who you are. Your day is about you and your partner (and your beloved ones!!). You can go with something really different or a mid-way solution. It can be silver or light blue. In other traditions red is the color. You can wear whatever you like, doesn´t need to be even a dress. It could be pants, skirt with a top or jeans!!. If there is a way where specially you can do whatever you want, is your wedding.
This tradition take us back to the time when young girls were considered the property of their fathers and were given as such to their husbands. But nowadays this feels weird and dated. If a woman is old enough to get married, she’s old enough to make her own decisions. You better make sure she wants to marry you.
Alternative? Get the blessing of both sets of parents. You both are adults that takes own decisions. To ask for blessing is just a question of common courtesy, to make them participate somehow.
This is completely obsolete now that women earn their own money. Even if it didn’t mean to be sexist, the whole notion that the bride’s parents should pay is just nonsense. An average wedding costs a easily between 20k and 40K (€ or $), which is huge financial situation. This is not about feminism but pragmatism.
Alternative? Split it between the families or pay for it yourselves. It makes much more sense to contribute as much as families can afford. Paying for it yourselves looks even better because it gives you complete control over your alternative wedding.
At the end, this traditions is about the idea that the bride is a precious object which value is her physical beauty and the accessories (dress, shoes…). Why not the contrary?. You don´t see it, right?. First look is a nice chance to calm down nerves before the ceremony. What if you both do it this at the same time?. Makes sense to see one another before the ceremony and do pictures or reading the vows. It could be the only time to spend together in this crazy day.
There are plenty of reasons to avoid the bouquet toss. 1) Not every woman want to be married. 2) For the ones who do want to get married, this tradition could easily make them feel bad about themselves. Just be a good friend and don’t humiliate your single friend for being single. 3) Those bouquets are very expensive and delicate, so don´t throw money away.
The garter toss as well is equally about stereotypical gender roles. It is about the groom showing off a conquest to the people. Together, the bouquet and garter toss reinforce stereotypes that men are possessive animals and women are delicate flowers who are desperate to get married. Many couples decide that this is not necessary. If you still want to go for it, maybe you could it in a more equally way.
For the majority of people, a name is question of one’s identity, lineage or even culture. That’s exactly why most men never even think about changing their name, and nor should they really. No one needs to delete his or her own identity for someone else’s. We are in 2020 not in 1750.
So this is our humble contribution to the topic considering we are wedding photographer and videographer. If you are considering getting married maybe we can help you documenting your wedding. Please have a look to our work here. We mostly do feminist and alternative weddings all around the world.
Con mucho amore,